Coalesce
by Lydiacatfish
Summary: -Coalesce -v-: To grow together, fuse, unite.- Karkat Vantas, after a nasty break-up, has decided to never love again. John Egbert, after a harrowing divorce, moves to Washington with his dad to try to start his life over at a new school with new friends. The healing process is never easy, but the hardships can always be lessened when there's someone there to help. -Highschool AU-
1. Abjure

_Abjure_ (v) To recant, renounce, or repudiate

The room was bare.

The floor was made of light grey concrete, and the walls were whitewashed plaster. The ceiling was the same. There was absolutely nothing remarkable about the little room—there were no cracks on the walls or ceiling, no marks from furniture on the floor, and the door was as white and nondescript as the rest of the room.

The only interesting thing about the room was the person in it. Though the room was small, about six feet by six feet around, the person was even smaller. He was curled up into a tight ball in the corner, his head tucked behind his knees that were crossed by his arms.

He was all in black, black jeans and a black sweater and black shoes and black dyed hair to contrast the room. His skin was pale, though, and his eyes were an unsettling shade of red.

He had been curled up in the corner for hours, doing nothing but thinking about his life, and thinking about his choices. How he'd gotten into that corner. Why he was there. In the beginning he'd cried quietly, but his tears had long since dried.

Silence was new for the boy. He was usually loud and abrasive. Those who knew him would swear he was someone else if they'd been watching his silent vigil.

He did have a reason. Part of the reason was that he was a sixteen-year-old boy who watched too many romance movies, but most of it was that the girl he was sure he'd spend the rest of his life with since fourth grade when he'd first laid eyes on her licking some red chalk had broken up with him.

He loved her. At least, he loved her as much as an over-dramatic sixteen-year-old boy can love. And it broke his heart when she had texted him the words, "1 TH1NK W3 SHOULD BR34K UP. :["

He read the text, made an excuse to his friend Gamzee, then ran out of the other boy's bedroom where they'd been playing video games. (Gamzee at this point had been waiting for his friend to come back from the bathroom for six hours, and was starting to get a little worried.) The boy had run to the closest place he'd known he could be alone—a park.

It was cold and wet that day, and the park was empty. He found an unfinished bathroom that still needed a toilet and sink installed, and curled up in the corner to let his feelings out.

This boy's name was Karkat Vantas, and he was an extremely melodramatic and angsty teenager, so it should be no surprise that in those six hours in the bathroom, he had convinced himself that he would never love again.

Karkat was an idiot. Well, of course he was. He was sixteen years old. Telling himself he was never going to love again was a terrible choice of action, because he would never be able to enforce this rule and he would only hurt himself in the process of doing so.

Karkat also thought extremely highly of himself. He did know what the consequences of his actions would be, as he'd watched more romantic comedies than most people knew existed, but he didn't care. He assured himself that he would be the _exception, _because he was just so great.

Don't get it wrong. He hated himself. He was a conflicted person. He was always telling himself how stupid he was and how wrong he always was, and was constantly having arguments with himself in his head. But the part of him that told him these things was just a nasty little voice in the back of his mind, and he could tune it out sometimes. He tuned it out when he was making his (moronic) decision about **abjuring** love.

After he'd accounted for all of the variables that could mess up his plan (bumping into _her _randomly, slowly falling for one of his best friends, his own asshole mind convincing him he was stupid) he uncurled himself and stood up.

He stretched, cracking his knuckles and twisting his legs around to make them move properly again. He walked nonchalantly out of the unfinished bathroom stall and back to Gamzee's house to pick up his things so he could go home.

He didn't do his homework (why the hell would he?) and instead stayed up late plotting his revenge on his ex for ruining his life. It was _her _fault he was doing this. Stupid bitch.

And no, he would _not _try to get her back after a series of events that would make him realize he was dumb! That would be stupid. He'd already thought of everything and worked his way around each and every thing that could happen. There was nothing that could change his mind. He had accounted for every single possibility.

Every possibility, that is, except for one.

* * *

AN: This is a study tool for me. I'm using words from my vocab lists and this will hopefully be finished around PSAT time. So yeah. Use it if you feel like.

Um, they're all humans, I guess? I'm not changing names because I feel like that's silly.

Sorry to 5OP followers that I didn't update this week. I forgot.

Thanks for reading.


	2. Abrogate

_Abrogate _(v): To abolish, do away with, or annul

"Well. That's that overwith, then."

Dad's face was pale and slightly sweaty, but calm as he hung up the phone. It looked like the stress of the past few months had finally started to melt away. It made the boy relieved to see his father without the constant hunted look in his eye as he struggled to make a living for the two of them while dealing with a volatile almost-ex-wife (now total-ex-wife, no almost about it) and the divorce.

"I'm glad it's finally over, Dad."

The boy's name was John Egbert.

"And I'm sure Jade is too, even though she's not here right now. But she'll visit over Thanksgiving and we can see her then."

John's dad nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. John slowly pulled out a chair and sat across from him. "You've been so helpful and supportive these past few months, son. You know I'm so, so proud of you."

Normally when his father would say something along these lines, John would get mildly annoyed with him. This time, however, he felt a swell of pride in his chest. "Thanks, Dad. It means a lot to me."

His dad gave him a small smile. "How about a nice chocolate cake to celebrate it all finally being over?"

"As long as it's not one of those Batterwitch cakes," John replied, a grin forming on his face.

John's dad chuckled and got up. "Why don't you go up to your room and get ready for school tomorrow? It's a big deal, moving to another school. You want to make sure you're prepared."

John nodded. "I'll be down when the cake's done, okay?"

"Yes. Now, go on."

John left the kitchen and padded through the new house, up the stairs, and to his bedroom at the end of the hall. They hadn't really had time to decorate, and they'd sold most of the furniture anyway since they were moving all the way from New York to Washington, but John still had his bed and all of his movie posters. There were a few pictures in the hallway of John and his dad as well, just the two of them, though one or two had John's sister Jade as well.

John looked through his blue backpack for about the seventy thousandth time before flopping down onto his bed and pulling out his iPhone (it had been a gift from his dad as an apology for moving across the country and away from everything he knew and loved) to talk to his friends.

He saw that Rose was online.

[6:32] – ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:32 –

EB: hey rose!

TT: Hello, John.

TT: I assume you've finished moving in?

EB: well, not quite yet

EB: we still have to finish unpacking and buy new furniture and stuff

EB: but the good news is the divorce is finally finalized!

EB: also i start school tomorrow

TT: The divorce is finalized?

TT: I suppose congratulations are in order.

TT: Well done on pushing through your past hardships.

TT: How does it feel to finally be free of your mother and grandfather?

EB: uh, i dont know

EB: i mean, im definitely glad to be away from her

EB: i kinda liked grandpa jake though

EB: and i miss jade

EB: plus i feel really bad for dad

TT: Oh? Why is that?

EB: well, hes gone through so much these past few months

EB: definitely more than me! because he was actually the one getting the divorce, you know?

EB: i just wish he didn't have to deal with so much crap from mom and the lawyer and everyone

EB: and sometimes i sorta feel like…

TT: Like what?

TT: Oh, no, John. This was not your fault. Do not delude yourself into thinking that it was.

TT: I swear I will tell Jade if you do.

EB: no!

EB: no, i don't think it was my fault

EB: its more of a feeling that maybe, if me and jade hadn't been born, dad wouldn't have had to do the divorce

EB: dad could've claimed theyd never consummated the marriage and so they could've gotten it annulled and saved everyone the trouble

TT: John, that is nearly the same thing as thinking it was your fault.

TT: Stop it.

EB: sorry

EB: but don't i have a point?

EB: at least, i think I have a point

TT: John, the fashion in which your parents **abrogated **their marriage is not the problem here.

TT: Whether it was annulled or whether it was a divorce is not the issue.

TT: The issue was your mother, and you know it.

EB: i guess youre right…

TT: Of course I am.

TT: Now, I suggest that you start unpacking as something productive to do to take your mind off your new school and the divorce.

EB: that actually sounds like a good idea

EB: thanks, rose! J

TT: You're welcome.

EB: ill start now

EB: bye, rose!

[7:15] – ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 19:15 –

John let his arms fall to the sides of his body. Rose was right. Even if he and Jade hadn't been born, Mom still would have been crazy and gone on forever with ending the marriage. It wasn't his fault.

_It isn't my fault._

He really should start unpacking, too, especially if he wanted to find that copy of Colonel Sassacre's he was going to take to school.

He was halfway through the second box sitting on his desk when his dad called him down for cake. John left his unpacking and rushed down the stairs. When he could stand the baked goods, they were actually really tasty.

He found his dad standing in the kitchen holding a cake with white frosting, a little blue wave symbol frosted right in the middle. His dad smiled at him. "Do you remember when you were little and you used to play that you had wind powers, and you made me put this little symbol on everything you wore?"

John blushed. "That doesn't mean you have to put it on the cake!"

John's dad chuckled and set the cake down on the kitchen table. John sat and watched his father cut out two perfectly sized slices and slide them onto plates. He handed a plate to John, then picked up a glass of milk that was sitting at his spot at the table. John picked up his, and the two clinked them together.

"To a new life!" said John's dad.

"To a new school!"

"To the most wonderful son anyone could ever hope to have that I am so, so proud of."

"To the best dad I could ask for."

They drank, and dug into the cake.

* * *

AN: Don't ask about John's mom. I still haven't figured her out quite yet.

Jade lives with her and Grandpa Harley in New York, where Rose and Dave are (because that's where Rose lived before the game in the comic). She plus their mom and grandpa will visit for the holidays, because they actually have the funds to do so.

Thanks for reading.


	3. Abstruse

_Abstruse _(adj): Difficult to understand; recondite

It was Friday, September 14. It had been cold and damp all week, and today was no exception. Karkat pulled his sweater over his hands. They were starting to get a little chilly.

He walked to school alone—his dad had work and had to leave earlier than Karkat was even awake, and none of his friends lived close enough to pick him up. So he walked the four miles to SkaiaHigh School.

He always got there around 7:30, ten minutes before classes started. Normally he'd meet _her _out front and walk her to class, but now he was determined to ignore her completely.

She wasn't sitting on the front steps waiting for him anyway. No, that wasn't _disappointment _he was feeling! It was relief. Yeah. At not having to deal with her so early in the goddamn morning.

He trudged through the school to the band room to get ready for marching band. The band room was completely empty. Shit, was today an early practice? He slapped himself in the forehead. Of course. There was a game tonight. He had planned to take _her _out to a late dinner afterward. How did he forget?

Oh well. Better late than never. He found his sousaphone and hefted it onto his small body. Just as he was about to head outside for practice, the inside door opened.

Some kid Karkat had never seen before peeked in. "Hello? Is this the band room?"

"Who're you?" Karkat asked. The kid perked up when he heard Karkat's voice and focused on him.

"I'm John Egbert! I'm new. I just moved here about a week ago, and I finally got transferred in yesterday. This is the band room, right?" he asked.

The kid's face, combined with his voice and his dopey questions made an intense hatred start to burn in Karkat's chest. He had never felt anything so fierce before (except maybe his past love for _her_).

"Yeah. So?" He managed to force the words out without any kind of insane profanity about how much he hated the kid.

John came into the room and stood awkwardly by the door. "I just joined the class. Where's the director? I need to talk to him about what I'm supposed to do."

"Follow me." Karkat headed through the door. He heard John scrambling to catch up to him, and Karkat led him to the podium where Mr. Slick was screaming orders at the band.

"Karkat! About fucking time you showed up!" he yelled at the sousaphone player. "Who's that kid behind you?"

John grinned. "I'm John! I just transferred here and I'm in band. What do I do?"

Slick grunted and turned back to the band. _"No, no, stay in formation, you fucktards! Jegus, do I have to do everything? Clarinets, you're all so fucking out of step it's disgraceful!" _He looked back at John. "What do you play?"

"I play the oboe. They told me back at my old school oboes aren't supposed to march."

"Shows how much they fucking know." (Out on the field, three oboists were crying as they had all simultaneously broken their reeds. Again.) "Look, just, go stand in the front next to the pit or something, okay? I'll figure something out later."

"Yes, sir!" John _actually saluted Slick (who the fuck does that?) _and jogged toward the pit, a group of freshmen standing awkwardly behind marimbas, or sitting under them.

_"Alright, maggots! Set 1! We're doing this from the top! You have ten seconds!" _Slick noticed Karkat still loitering beside his podium. "The fuck you still doing here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Go get in set!"

Karkat grumbled and wandered off to find his spot.

Karkat completely forgot about John Egbert until about four hours later at lunch. To avoid _her, _he found Gamzee behind the school building with his friend Tavros and a girl who was always following Tavros around purely for the sake of bothering him, Vriska. With them was John.

"Oh hey! Karkat, right?" he asked cheerfully. Karkat felt a wave of annoyance wash over him at the sight of the other boy's face.

"Did you bring him?" he asked Gamzee. Gamzee chuckled.

"Nah, Vriska did."

Karkat sent an accusatory glare at Vriska. "Why. "

"I don't see why you're so bothered! You're always eating with Te—"

"_Do not say her name so help me gog I will scratch your fucking eyes out."_

Vriska laughed. "Trouble in paradise?"

"You could say that." Karkat sat down next to Gamzee and opened his lunchbox. Though his dad went to work early and came home late, he was still always able to provide a decent lunch. A ham sandwich and a water bottle were sitting in front of him.

"Yo, man, just tell Uncle Gamzee what's eatin' you." Gamzee put one arm around his best friend. "I bet it's nothin' too serious."

Moment of truth. Fuck. Karkat had prepared for this, but it didn't make it any easier, saying it out loud. "She broke up with me."

Vriska, who had been chatting up John, spit fruit juice all over the boy's face before bursting into laughter. "_What?"_

"Fuck you too, Vriska."

"Oh man, that sucks, Karkat," murmured Tavros sympathetically.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm over her," Karkat sniffed melodramatically.

"Man, you need a feelings jam?" Gamzee asked. "'Cause we can feelings jam right now. I'm sure Tav and Vriska and John won't mind. Will you, guys?"

"I don't need a fucking feelings jam!" Karkat snapped. "I don't need anything. Leave me alone."

"Uh…I feel a little out of the loop," John said awkwardly. "What's going on? I don't understand."

Vriska laughed. "Oh, John, no one understands. Karkat here's love life is the weirdest thing you'll ever see."

"Thanks a lot."

"No problem!"

John shot Karkat a reassuring grin. "Well, whatever's wrong, I'm sure it'll work itself out! I bet she was horrible anyway to break up with you out of the blue like that."

Karkat stared at John. Unbelievably (at least to him), some of the powerful hatred he'd felt upon meeting the kid had dissipated. It was amazing. Karkat was confused. He didn't know quite what he was feeling. It was all too **abstruse.**

Of course he still hated him. There was nothing that could stop him. Nothing. Obviously.

He continued to tell himself that after John awkwardly trailed off when Karkat was too busy spacing out to answer, and all through the rest of the day.

* * *

AN: Crabdad's never around but that doesn't mean he can't _try _to be a good dad.

Also, I really like Marchingstuck. So yeah. That's where that sousaphone bit and Slick being a band director came from.

And no, oboes are not supposed to march. We would die.

Thanks for reading.


	4. Alacrity

Warning: This chapter is mostly filler, but there's important stuff toward the end. And you hear a bit more about John's mom.

* * *

_Alacrity _(n): Cheerful willingness; celerity

John's first day of school was great. He didn't understand why some people got so melodramatic about moving to Washington and starting new lives—it was awesome! He made so many friends, and his teachers all really liked him right away, and there wasn't even any homework.

His dad picked him up and took him home, asking him about his day, if there were any problems, things like that. John eagerly started talking about how his math teacher was a Vietnam war veteran and his new friend Vriska who liked Nic Cage (almost) as much as he did. His dad seemed really genuinely happy for him. John was happy for his dad too. There were no bags under his eyes. He must have slept well.

His dad told him about how he found a new job—nothing too exciting, just office work, but it was relaxing, and the work took his mind off things. He told John about some people he'd met who loved fedoras and clowns (almost) as much as he did. After that they lapsed into peaceful silence.

When they got home, John's dad immediately went to the kitchen to bake a "First Day of Work/School" cake and John managed to abscond to his room.

Vriska, Tavros, and Gamzee had all given him their chumhandles. He'd asked Karkat, but Karkat had spaced out since he'd made that comment about his breakup and didn't notice him asking. He'd ask him tomorrow.

He invited the three to be chums, then noticed his sister online and pestered her.

[3:12] – ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:32 –

EB: jade!

EB: what's up, little sis?

GG: whoa, little sister?

GG: who was born first, john?

GG: me!

EB: hehe, i know you were

EB: you usually don't respond if i don't do something like that though!

GG: maybe if you wouldn't call me little sister, i would!

EB: but you did!

GG: ugh

GG: shut up, john!

EB: yeah, whatever, jade!

EB: anyway…

EB: how are you?

GG: really?

GG: we just went through all that for you to ask me how i am?

GG: really?

EB: i just wanted to know

EB: i mean, i'm doing great!

EB: schools fun

EB: making new friends and stuff

EB: but i wanna know how you are without me and dad to be strong manly influences!

GG: john, i think i have enough of a manly influence with grandpa jake around

EB: hehe, yeah

EB: but i still just wanted to ask

GG: im doing well!

GG: i mean, we all miss you

GG: even dave, though he doesn't like to show it or talk about it :P

EB: hows mom?

GG: shes…good

GG: she calmed down a bit since you two left

GG: i hope shes even better by thanksgiving so we can visit you guys!

GG: i want to see you and dad, but i don't want to leave her and grandpa alone :(

EB: yeah, i can understand that

EB: especially if grandpa jake decides to go hunt us a fresh turkey again like last year

GG: oh god

GG: stop making me want to not come

GG: not want to come?

GG: want to stay

GG: stop making me want to stay!

EB: sorry!

EB: ill stop

EB: hold on a second, vriska's pestering me

GG: vriska?

EB: this nice girl i met today

EB: don't know if youd like her, but i think shes really cool!

EB: ill be right back

[3:33] – ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:33 –

John closed the chat window on his sister and opened the blinking one with Vriska's username.

[3:32] – arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 15:32 –

AG: John!

AG: Joooooooohn!

AG: Answer me! ::::(

EB: sorry vriska!

EB: i was talking to my sister

AG: You have a sister?

EB: yep!

EB: her names jade

EB: she still lives in new york with mom and grandpa though

AG: Oh.

EB: yeah

EB: i miss her to death and stuff but she decided to stay

EB: gotta respect that!

AG: Yes you do, John.

AG: Yes you do.

EB: yeah

EB: so um

EB: what did you want to talk to me about?

AG: I'm glad you asked!

AG: You claim to 8e a great prankster.

AG: I want to put that to the test.

EB: vriska

EB: dude

EB: i am not a great prankster

AG: You aren't?

EB: i am

EB: the PRANKING MASTER

AG: ::::D

AG: That's what I like to hear!

AG: 8ut you still have to prove it.

EB: name the time and place, vriska

EB: i will prank the shit out of anyone you choose

AG: Wellllllll…

AG: How a8out tomorrow night at the park?

EB: tell me how to get there

EB: ive literally lived in this town for a week

AG: Here, I'll just send you a Google Maps starting at the school.

AG: Bring your pranking supplies.

AG: Midnight.

AG: I'll see you there.

AG: ::::)

[3:50] – arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 15:50 –

Vriska stopped pestering John almost immediately after he agreed to her mysterious pranking challenge. John just hoped it wouldn't be anything _too _intense, since most of his pranking stuff (hand buzzers, cans of snakes, various buckets that could be filled with various liquids) were still in boxes that he'd been too lazy to label.

He considered telling Rose about it—Rose was one of his best friends and usually gave great advice—but she'd probably chastise him about his **alacrity **to do something he knew basically nothing about with someone he knew basically knew nothing about.

Screw that. He was doing it, whether it was a smart idea or not.

He completely forgot about talking to his sister again, and instead decided to unearth his movie collection. He sat on his bed for ten minutes trying to decide what Nicolas Cage movie to watch until his dad came up and told him there was cake waiting for him.

"Daaaaad!" John whined. "I don't want any cake. It's probably Batterwitch anyway…"

John's dad just smiled. "Of course, son. It will still be there when you come down later after you finish whatever you're doing, though. Feel free to have some anytime."

"Daaad." His dad finally left.

John smiled to himself afterward. Finally, things were going back to normal.

* * *

AN: Gosh, Vriska. I sure hope nothing goes wrong at this pranking thing you've got planned. (To be honest even I don't know at this point.)

Who liked that really subtle negative Twilight reference at the beginning? God, I just...subtle negative Twilight references are the best. Y'know?

Also, John's math teacher, the Vietnam war vet, is AR. He's going to have a fun math class.

And I changed "Mr. Slick", the band teacher, to "Mr. Noir", because Jack is more of a normal first name than Spades. :'D


	5. Ambivalence

_Ambivalence _(n): Coexistence of opposing feelings

Karkat was afraid.

He honestly didn't think he'd ever been so afraid in his entire life, or in any other lives he'd ever had in strange parallel universes. Or some stupid shit like that.

Fucking _John._

He still hated him! He really did. God, just thinking about that kid made black clouds of loathing appear in his mind. Ugh.

But then there was that _thing _he said this afternoon about how horrible _she _was. And she was so horrible. And how could John just know that? He'd (probably) never even met her! And he was just able to say something like that without knowing anything about her, because he just _knew._

The fact that he was one of those people who would just say something stupid like that to cheer someone else up made Karkat hate him even more, to be honest. People who did that kind of shit were annoying.

But then, it was like he _knew. _Karkat couldn't stop thinking about it. Did he just know? Was he just saying it to say it?

Whatever it was, he said it. And even though Karkat still hated him with the passion of a thousand green suns, one of those green suns was a _little tiny bit _smaller than the rest of them.

And it scared the shit out of Karkat.

Because if he could hate someone—no one important, just _John—_less, it meant he could hate _anyone _less. Even _her._

He couldn't deal with that kind of potential **ambivalence.**

He forced himself to stay strong and thing hateful thoughts. God, that kid was irritating. Why would I ever _not _hate him? Because of that comment—_forget about that stupid-ass comment it means nothing he said it just to say it because he's a dumbass._

Breathe in, breathe out. Karkat was very serious about his hatred. He had to concentrate on it so that it could flourish properly.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It wasn't working. Karkat couldn't take his mind off the little bit of sympathy John had given him, and he couldn't let go of the positive feelings that had slowly encroached upon his brain when he'd heard those words.

It was scary as hell.

Karkat, unable to regain the small bits of hatred that had floated away from him at lunch thanks to John, decided to take a different approach. Yeah, he hated John less—but he still hated him, and as long as he did, it wouldn't matter.

Because he was still capable of loathing, and that meant he could loathe anyone, and it didn't matter how much, as long as the feelings was there.

Thank god for loopholes.

* * *

AN: The word "hate" or anything like it seems to lose its meaning around Karkat. Silly Karkat.

But I do seriously hope you weren't expecting a revelation along the lines of "OMG Karkat loves John squee" this early, because we've still got about 95 chapters to go.

Yep. My vocab list(s) have 100 words. This is chapter 5. Prepare for a long ride.

I mean, it'll probably be a pretty long ride. It all depends on spacing and random plots I can throw in. Thanksgiving will almost definitely be a big thing for this story because it's when you'll meet John's mom (figured her out! Who's proud of me?) and there's still issues everyone needs to work out.


	6. Animadversion

_Animadversion _(n): Strong criticism; critical remarks

It was Saturday the fifteenth, and John woke up at about noon to the sound of his phone beeping. He blearily rubbed his eyes and put his glasses on, then checked what was up.

Oh. It was just Vriska, pestering him to see if he was ready for the ultimate prank that night at midnight. She'd also sent him the map to the park. It wasn't so far away, actually. John was confident he'd be able to sneak out and do his pranking business, then get home before his dad realized anything was wrong.

Excellent.

He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and washed his face, because god did sleeping make his face look a mess. Still in his pajamas, he wandered down the stairs and to the kitchen, where his dad was making grilled cheese sandwiches. When he heard John come in, he smiled and said, "Lunch will be ready in about five minutes. Why don't you set the table?"

"Actually, can I eat up in my room? I have a lot of…work I need to get done," John said. Of course, his work would be finding his pranking supplies, but his dad didn't need to know that.

John dug through the boxes in his room for hours trying to find his pranking supplies. He didn't know what Vriska would want, though, and how hard she wanted to prank…whoever it was. He found all his stuff eventually, but got to thinking about it. Pranking was really a personal thing. Throwing smuppets at Dave would be hilarious, but doing the same to Rose would make her question your sexual motives or something like that.

He decided to ask Vriska about what to do. Luckily, she was online.

[4:54] – ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 16:54 –

EB: vriska!

EB: vriska i have a question!

AG: Oh hey John!

AG: Ready for tonight? ::::)

EB: kind of

EB: i just have a question!

AG: Fire away, John.

EB: who are we pranking?

EB: it's kind of important because pranking is a very personal thing

EB: i cant just throw smuppets at rose!

AG: John, what is a smuppet?

EB: never mind!

EB: the point is i need to know about our target so i can prank them effectively!

AG: Hmmmmmmmm. Okay. Makes sense.

AG: Our target is a girl named Terezi Pyrope.

AG: Remem8er Karkat from yesterday?

EB: yeah, i remember him

AG: She's the girl who 8roke up with him.

EB: ohhhh

AG: Karkat asked me Thursday night if I could help him prank her!

AG: Now I know why.

AG: And since you said you're the pranking master, I figured you could help me out.

EB: sounds great!

EB: but i still need to know about her, vriska!

AG: Well, the first thing you should know is…

AG: She's 8lind.

Oh.

Vriska wanted John to prank a _blind girl?_

Wasn't that a little…wrong?

EB: pranking a blind girl?

EB: isn't that a little…wrong?

AG: Nope!

AG: Actually, she's only like, half-8lind.

AG: I mean she can't see a thing, but she has super-smell and can read things by t8sting them.

AG: Practically a sighted person.

EB: i dunno…

AG: Joooooooohn.

AG: It's me we're talking about here!

AG: Would I ever steer you wrong?

EB: i really don't know

EB: ive only known you for a day, vriska!

AG: John, you just have to trust me.

AG: I guess if you want we don't have to do anything TOO dangerous.

EB: okay, fine

EB: can you tell me more about her?

EB: like her fears or something?

AG: Well, she really likes dragons.

AG: And she really hates me.

AG: We used to be friends but now we just really don't like each other, and we're always doing shit to each other.

AG: She's a big fan of "JUST1C3" or some shit.

AG: Like, if she sees—I mean smells—something illegal going down she'll try and stop it.

EB: hmm

EB: i might be able to use that

EB: lemme think…

AG: Think away, John!

AG: Tell me when you've got something, okay?

AG: Talk to you l8r!

[5:17] - arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:17 –

That wasn't really all that helpful.

All he knew about this girl was that she hated Vriska, liked dragons and "JUST1C3", and broke up with Karkat on Thursday. And she was blind.

It was a start, but it wasn't good enough.

Or was it?

A plan started to form in John's mind. All he needed was something to throw off her sense of smell, and he could spring anything on her. It was kind of cruel, but Vriska would probably love it.

And after that…

John quickly went back on Pesterchum to ask Vriska about a stink bomb.

EB: can you make some kind of stink bomb?

EB: id do it but my dad would probably catch me

EB: and then he wouldn't let me do it

AG: We can't risk your guardian's potential **animadversion!**

EB: hehe

EB: who says something like that in chat?

AG: Urgh!

AG: Shut up! I w8s studying 8nd it slipped out!

EB: whatever, vriska

AG: Anything else you need me to get?

EB: actually i have a question

EB: do you think she still likes karkat?

AG: Probably.

AG: But to be honest I have no idea!

AG: Give me a second.

John waited patiently for Vriska's answer. A few minutes later, his phone went off to tell him she was back.

AG: Well judging by the weird cryptic/1337-ish answer she gave me…

AG: The answer is a definite yes. ::::)

EB: one last question

EB: where can i get a dragon suit?

Vriska was curious, so John explained the rest of the plan to her.

AG: John!

AG: That's perfect!

AG: You didn't seem so devious when we first met.

AG: Perhaps I misjudged you. ;;;;)

Vriska's approval created a swell of pride in John's chest. Sure, what he was doing was kind of douche-y, but he was making friends in the process! Even if he was definitely losing a potential friend in Terezi Pyrope.

John brushed that thought aside and started working out logistics with Vriska.

* * *

AN: I'm actually kind of behind schedule on this. This should have been up Saturday. I've been trying to do three chapters a day but it's haaaaaaaard. I hope I finish the whole thing before the PSAT.

I hope I finish it all period. :'D


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